The Real Issue

Posted on January 27, 2012 by dallasmclaughlin

All the talk this off-season has been about Pujols heading to the Angels, Prince signing a huge contract in Detroit, the literal re-building of the Boston Club, and Theo and the Cubs. There’s even big news here in San Diego with the Latos deal and the loss of Rizzo and Heath Bell…

…BUT all that is sidebar to the real issue this off-season – no one is talking about how awful the Miami Marlins uniforms are!

They might be the most horrific uniforms of all time (and who’s this Player asshole?)! They look like cheap uni’s from a Japanese League team or a Single-A team from Round Rock, Wherever, USA.

Heath Bell is gonna look like a human Clementine. Jose Reyes will look like he spent one too many nights dancing to Gloria Estefan! I know people are like, “Well, it is Miami, and well you know…” And yes, I know. But, this is ridiculous! No one ever watched ‘The Birdcage’ and thought there should be a Professional Baseball team based on the film!

The worst part is the logo:

The colors, the fact that it defies the laws of depth perception and the fact that it looks like something rich people would have hung on their walls in 1983.

AND NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT! How did Baseball sign off on this? Of all the reasons to fire Bud Selig, I can’t think of  a better one. I never thought it would get worse than the original Devil Rays uniforms, but somehow they did it. Can Baseball just cancel Florida?

People should be more outraged about this, because as this sport is losing fans fast, and I mean FAST, to basketball and football it’s also letting teams design their uniforms based on the color wheel of Easter.

The only positive to this whole ordeal? Now, we don’t have to hide it when we laugh at Ozzie Guillen. He’ll understand.

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I’m Dotting The i.

Posted on November 7, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

It’s not easy to be a Buckeye fan these days. In fact for a sport that draws mostly area specific interest, common fans seem well aware of the plight of the Big Ten powerhouse. And that sucks. Not just for me though, it sucks for anyone who appreciates the pure joy that is College Football.

 

Beginning in the late 1970’s, the NFL and NBA started to become much more ingrained in society, and rivaled Major League Baseball for world supremacy. College Football had long been a point of pride for most schools and already drew big dollars for their programs and campuses. But, now these hugely celebrated College stars could actually look to the NFL for their own big dollars and “golden tickets” that would set them up for the rest of their lives. This was a huge coo for Colleges and Universities and a huge upside for the NFL, and this is the virus that began eating away at the system. How? Why?

 

The easiest way to explain this is to look at what the University of Miami (FL) started doing in the 1980’s. Instead of going out and recruiting the top prospects people had heard of, they went to their own local neighborhoods and began recruiting the local superstars that no other Colleges cared about. These kids were cast aside either because of behavioral issues, academic issues or even just the unabashed “rawness” of who they were and how they played. They were the kids who couldn’t afford College and had no hopes of getting in most of the time anyway. So, Miami recruited these kids. Gave them scholarships, gave them ‘incentives’, let them float by on grades, and let them do whatever they wanted on the field – as long as they won. The “U” as it became known, quickly began to dominate College Football and other Institutions around the country took note. But, to completely understand this we need to delve into the other part of this explanation and follow the kids.

 

Let’s say you were the best High School player at Dade City High, a run down school that no one cares about. No College will look at you though, because no one wants to travel to your neighborhood, your grades are inadequate and your family is on welfare. You are not desirable to a high-class educational institution. But, here comes your local University and they are interested in you and are offering you a full scholarship. But, since you’ve grown up the way you have, you not only want a scholarship, you want something for your family, a sign of good faith. And you’re not an idiot, if the school is willing to basically pay for everything just so you’ll play for them, they have enough money to buy your mom, who rides the bus, a new car. Nothing fancy, just new. It’s illegal for the school to do this, but they have a few things to think about:

1) They want you. You’re good and no one else wants you.

2) If they pass, word will get out that they were down there looking at you and other schools will come recruitin’. Those schools might just take the risk of ‘incentives’ to not only retain your services, but also make the first school who passed on you look bad.

3) They’re already flying under the radar walking your streets, so who is really gonna find out? And the Boosters want a winning team, so money will not be an issue.

For you the player, you’ve asked for this gift for a few reasons:

1) They have the money, and your family needs this.

2) If they pass, you know there is a good chance another school might come calling.

3) What have you got to lose? You didn’t plan on going to College or even being recruited! Now, you have the chance to play for a big time school, get a degree (if you want) and now in this era of big time pro contracts have a shot at a million dollar payday; because if you play great in College the NFL will draft you! And it was all FREE!

All things considered, the school decides to give you the car, “but let’s keep it under wraps” and you are now officially a College Athlete. You get to school, and you make an impact almost immediately. You’re not a superstar yet, but you are on your way. Boosters take notice. The people who remember you from the neighborhood take notice. When you go out to restaurants or clubs everything you order suddenly is ‘taken care of’’. You don’t think anything of it. Why should you? You’re already riding a free train and these are little perks. As you get better, the gifts get better. Not only for you, but for your family too, as the people from the neighborhood start to give them gifts. For a kid who grew up with nothing, suddenly getting everything is pretty wonderful – and knowing you’re a bad knee injury away from it all ending – take everything you can!

 

(Side note: Just imagine YOU, the reader, has lived for 18 years without anything. You and your family have been dirt poor. Then some rich guy comes along and almost immediately you and your family has whatever they want just as long as you keep doing the thing that YOU’RE really good at. Would you ever question anything? And even if you did think something was a little off, would you care? You’re life is at least for a time infinitely better than it has ever been, so why stop that?)

 

The school you play for not only did this for you, but for several other players and your team becomes so dominate over the next few years that all the old powerhouses steal your schools recruitment plan and even start stealing your school’s local superstars. The ‘incentives’ get bigger, more expensive and they last much longer.

 

You’ve made it to NFL draft day and you’re in the top ten. Now, since you decided to leave school early, you have no degree, therefore this football thing better pan out. If it doesn’t you’re screwed. You know this and because while growing up you’ve seen NFL contracts explode you know they have the money. You’re a top ten player and you want to be paid as such – again, you’re one bad knee injury away from it all being over – so they offer you more money than you could imagine and of course you say yes. Now, every kid who grew up in your neighborhood just saw you get millions of dollars for doing something they are also good at. They also know about the scholarships and they know about that free car. So, when schools come calling these kids know exactly what to say, and how can anyone say no?

 

DISCLAIMER: The “U” is not solely responsible for this; it’s just the most visible and easiest way to explain how EVERY College and University began to operate and how this philosophy began to reshape College athletics. Let me repeat the first part of that last sentence to clear up any confusion: EVERY COLLEGE AND UNIVERSITY WORKS THIS WAY. Not only for football but also for basketball, baseball and even hockey. Every school has and will continue to work this way. Why? BECAUSE THERE IS MILLIONS ON THE LINE! Do you think that state of the art cafeteria got built because the Academic League did well? Millions upon millions of dollars are funneled in and out of these schools every year and the majority of those dollars come from sports and they make coaches, athletic directors and deans very wealthy.

 

When one of these illegal moves becomes public there is always a sense of “How could THEY?” But, the real question is “How could THEY not?” We as a society love College sports and support it almost no matter what. We’re as much to blame as anyone else. How do you think they get the money in the first place? From us, our kids, our loyalties. I’m sure College sports didn’t always operate this way, but I wouldn’t bet on it. Everyone wants a winner and winning costs money.

 

As I sat in my living room two Saturdays ago and watched my beloved (and disgraced) Buckeyes pull out an underdog (!) win over Wisconsin I was elated. I was excited for the young new coach people were calling a lame duck before the first practice. I was excited that a there’s a QB in Ohio who can actually pass. I was excited for “Boom” Herron, who is trying to rid himself of his past, but mostly I was excited because my team was winning; and I believed that it was a clean win, an honest win, without bought players. But it wasn’t. And neither was your schools or your schools or your schools and they never will be again.

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Officially Endorsed

Posted on October 19, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

I can’t speak for everyone here at the Kept Faith, but after being embarrassed by the Cardinals in the playoffs for most of the mid-2000′s I am officially throwing support to the Texas Rangers.

I mean come on, LaRussa is a tool, Pujols is actually 45 years old and Matt Holliday is on a steroid detox bigger than Bret Boone in 2006. 

On the other hand: Nolan Ryan is their President, Josh Hamilton unofficially killed a guy and the Rangers have never won a World Series. All of this is a feel good story and they deserveit.So what if George W. used to own the team, we should be cheering for a team that has yet to be there and is fun to watch – GO RANGERS! Give those redbirds hell!

 

 

The opinions in this column do not necesarily reflect those of the Kept Faith and are solely those of Dallas.

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The First Ever NFL Impact Rankings

Posted on October 14, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

It seems that almost everyone who is a sports fan – even a casual one, is happy if not excited that the Detroit Lions are 5-0 for the first time since Lincoln was President. I for one am with them, although I can’t really figure out why. I have no ties to Detroit. No family in Michigan. In fact, I have been a life-long Ohio State fan, which means I hate Michigan. But for some reason I love the fact that this franchise is back on track and sticking it to their rivals. I feel the same way about the Buffalo Bills and even the 49er’s (Who I have a valid case to despise since they handed the Chargers one of the worst losses in Super Bowl history.).

 

But it occurred to me that perhaps the reason I feel good about these particular franchises being successful is because it’s better for the sport when they are. No one wants the Yankees to win, but it’s better for baseball when they’re involved because of the hatred/adoration/casual interest they provoke. There are just some teams this rule inexplicabably applies to and here for the first time I’m going to try and explic it. I now introduce the first ever NFL Impact Rankings.

 

Now this list will be based on a few components:

 

1) History in the NFL.

2) Fan base.

3) Ratings when given the opportunity.

4) Casual recognition.

5) Experience with the Super Bowl (good or bad).

 

The Robert De Niro Tier or The Top-Of-The-Line Tier:

 

Green Bay Packers – Current champs. Most storied franchise in the league. Great uniforms and when they win your father and grandfather are happy, which means it’s important. Even if they’ve just won a Super Bowl, it feels like it’s been forever since the last time and that means they’ve been with you for a long time.

Chicago Bears – Take away the current champs comment and you get the same description as the Packers. Also both teams have bitter rivalries, which always keeps fans and the media involved. Both fans sit in the worst weather possible to watch their boys play and that happens only a few other places in all of sport.

Pittsburgh Steelers – Storied franchise. Multiple Super Bowls and always evoke emotion in superfans and casual fans whether it’s good or bad.

Detroit Lions – Again, long history in the NFL. Haven’t won anything since the 50’s which gives them the added, “I never thought in my lifetime” scenario that makes your grandpa cry and you smile. Lovable losers, who give everyone hope. Heated rivalries and great fans.

New England Patriots – Now this team would have not been a part of this tier in the 1990’s, but they have become so ingrained in the collective pop-culture of causal fans and superfans that you can’t leave them off the top tier. They aren’t near like the Yankees of the NFL, but most people consider them the evil empire. Evoke emotion + success + superstars = better for the sport when you win.

 

The Liam Neeson Tier or The Almost Top-Tier-But-Are-Missing-A-Few-Components Tier:

 

Dallas Cowboys – If this was the late 80’s or early 90’s they would have been in the Patriots spot but its not and they aren’t. Even when Tony Romo was dating Jessica Simpson it seemed like most people were bummed it wasn’t Britney. They have a crazy owner and a ridiculous stadium, which both hurt them more than help them. Even superfans hate a crazy owner and a brand new stadium lives little nostalgia for a casual fan. Also, for reasons that escape me they’re probably one of the most universally hated teams in the league (Maybe all the cocaine?)

Buffalo Bills – They have the great distinction of being the only team to play in four consecutive Super Bowls and the only team to lose four consecutive Super Bowls. They dominated most of the 80’s and 90’s but fell off the grid in ’99 and haven’t sniffed the playoffs since. However, they have insanely devoted fans. A movie made about them, an indie one at that (Buffalo ’66) and play in cold weather. Constant threats of moving is the only thing that shifts them down to this tier.

Cleveland Browns – They haven’t won a championship since 1964, which gives them the tortured franchise “almost made it” tag that people love. But, they’ve moved and then moved back. This drops them down. Their two biggest assets are that the media loves them when they’re good and they have great fans. Also, great uniforms. Also, have no foreseeable way to right their ship.

San Francisco 49ers – This is a touchy one, but their association with two of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, their domination in the late 80’s and early 90’s and their sweet uniforms make them a shoe in for second tier impact. When they’re good the media hops all over them. They’re the only team in California that gets respect from superfans and as of the last decade have accumulated tons of underdog status. They have a great fan base and are very recognizable even to the casual fan. They’re not in the top tier mainly because they’re a west coast team and west coast sports are always considered ‘less-than’ by purists (read: old people).

Oakland Raiders – People hate them, but they’ve played NFL villains to a tee. When they’re good they’re mean, tough and fast. When they’re bad they’re soft, confused and boring. Their fan base will kill you and their pirate logo is a staple of sports for casual and superfans alike.

Philadelphia Eagles – If it weren’t for their great, sometimes horrifically violent fans they would’ve dropped a tier. The Eagles are almost never fun to watch, they even made McNabb boring. But, they’ve been around since the 30’s so they have history and they haven’t won a Super Bowl since 1960 so they have hope. But, they have little appeal to the casual fan and don’t travel well. On the upside Invincible was actually a pretty good flick.

 

The Gary Oldman Tier or The How-Could-You-Not-Put-This-Team-In-The-Top-Two-Tiers Tier:

 

New York Jets – They have a long rag-tag history playing professional football. They won it all in 1968 and tend to grace the playoffs about twice a decade. They have superfans, but are almost never important to causal fans. Although Broadway Joe skyrocketed them to the forefront, no one has cared since.

New York Giants – They have seven titles, they’re one of the original five NFL teams from 1925 and they’ve been successful for a good portion of that time. The problem is no one seems to care. They have a crazy fan base, but outside of New York they might as well be the Jets. They’re mostly boring and no one seems to like they’re current roster or coaching staff, which has taken them out of the media spotlight over the past decade. Even when they won the Super Bowl, the only things people talked about were “the catch” and the Patriots losing it. And Little Giants sucked.

Minnesota Vikings – Least cared about team in their division and the rest of their division are all in the Top Tier. They have been “possibly moving” since 1999 and play in the worst looking dome on TV, which kills their media appeal. When a 60-year sexting QB is you’re biggest draw since 1998 it’s not a good sign. Plus, terrible uniforms.

Washington Redskins – It’s amazing how one owner can destroy a franchise and anyone’s interest in them, but Snyder has done it.

Indianapolis Colts – They’re a transplant team. Little casual fan appeal and we’ve found out that without Peyton this team not only sucks but they’re irrelevant. Art Donovan is pretty awesome though.

 

The Sam Rockwell Tier or The-I-Like-Them-But-Don’t-Know-If-They’re-Great-Or-Just-OK Tier:

 

Cincinnati Bengals – They seem like they should be higher on this list, but they aren’t. It’s nice when the Bengals do well, because they almost never do. But casual fans certainly don’t care and superfans almost care. They have little fan sympathy and don’t do well with the media. Booomer!

Denver Broncos – Great rabid fans and a franchise no one has cared about since Elway. We’re getting a brief resurgence with Tebow, but that doesn’t work for this list. Sorry.

New Orleans Saints – When they’re good people love them and I mean all people, but when they’re bad no one cares about them at and I mean no one. And the problem with that last sentence is that they’ve been bad 80% of the time since 1967.

 

The James McAvoy Tier or The-I-Know-I’ve-Seen-Them-Play-And-I-Don’t-Ever-Mind-It-When-I-Do Tier:

 

San Diego Chargers – People love the Chargers and their throwback jerseys are the best uniforms in professional sports, but they can barely sell out home games and the media all but ignores them.

Miami Dolphins – A team that will always have clout because of Dan Marino and 1972. That’s it.

Atlanta Falcons – Remember when Michael Vick played there? Cool uniforms and people do tend to enjoy the team if they’re playing well.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Their throwback uniforms are fantastic.

St. Louis Rams – Oh how far they have fallen. They only appear in such a high tier because of 1997-1999.

Arizona Cardinals – Another surprise on this tier and another team that can thank Kurt Warner for being here. I was shocked how much people wanted them to win that Super Bowl. Go Cards!

 

And lastly the Jason Schwartzman Tier or The-Outside-Of-A-Certain-Zip-Code-No-One-Cares-A-Lick-About-Them Tier:

 

Seattle Seahawks – Even hiring Pete Carroll couldn’t drum up long-lasting interest in this team.

Kansas City Chiefs – Rabid superfans but they’re all alone.

Baltimore Ravens – Ray Lewis.

Carolina Panthers – Yes, they played in a Super Bowl.

Houston Texans – I guarantee 50% of the casual fan and 25% of NFL fans are convinced they’re still called the Oilers.

Tennessee Titans – A transplant team that became well known for being talked about in Cast Away.

 

P.S. Tier: 

Jacksonville Jaguars

There it is: The first ever Impact Ranking. Am I wrong? Tell me why…

 

 

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This Day In Padres History!

Posted on September 28, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

On this day in 1993 1B Dave Staton went 1-2 with an RBI and a BB in an 11-4 Padres victory over the Cincinnati Reds!

 

 

 

 

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This Day In Padres History!

Posted on September 19, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

Drunk?

On this day in 2002 RF Brian Buchanan went 2-4 with 2 RBI in an 8-4 victory over the LA Dodgers!

 

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Get Excited.

Posted on September 12, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin


Get excited. It’s not often they make movies for actual Baseball fans and after this flops, it will be a long time again.

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All Dogs Go To Heaven

Posted on September 7, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

What can I say or write about Michael Vick that hasn’t already been written? In fact as I sat down to type this I thought to myself, what can I contribute? The answer is below; it will be more or less impressive than you’re imagining given that your imagination is either very vivid or described by others as “kind of a let down”.

At this point in his career it’s never been harder to pigeonhole Michael Vick, where as four years ago that’s all everyone was doing. But, in 2011 who is Michael Vick? Is he a good teammate? Is he a good person? Has he actually changed? No one seems to truly know and what’s even more amazing is that right now – no one seems to care.

I know little of Michael Vick. I watched him play in the Sugar Bowl with Virginia Tech while my Dad fell asleep and I spent the whole time wondering what the hell was on Frank Beamer’s neck. I watched John Butler trade away the ‘Michael Vick Pick’ to Atlanta for Tim Dwight and what turned into Drew Brees and LaDanian Tomlinson (a trade you still make today) while simultaneously pissing off every Chargers fan. Beyond that I knew that Vick was a great player on the Falcons who refused to change his style to help his team earn long-term success. I also knew he had millions of dollars and as we all found out he liked to do some weird shit.

Vick got arrested for hosting a dog fighting circuit at a house that he owns and was 100% publicly demonized as a person for his actions. No one thought he would ever come back to pro ball. Yet, he did and is now starting for a Super Bowl favorite; partly because he’s on a better team than he’s ever been on before and partly because his age has forced him to be the QB that everyone begged him to be from the beginning.

But, I don’t really care about any of that. What I do care about is that this guy killed several dogs. In fact if records and testimony are correct he killed dozens of dogs. He stood over a dog and watched it or had a hand in helping electrocute it till it died from said electricity. Michael Vick is a dick. Some say he’s paid for his mistakes, but those people own his rookie card. And the story of Michael Vick jettisons us to two much bigger problems:

1) Vick’s offenses are relatively small in the realm of NFL crimes.
2) After a televised apology and a smile Americans just stop caring.

Let’s start with number one. Ray Lewis killed a guy, Pacman Jones paralyzed a doorman with wild gunfire, Every Bengal since 2003 has been in prison, and I don’t have enough space to type about the amount of rape and domestic abuse cases that have been “dismissed” from hundreds of NFL players records. It baffles me that guys like Ben Roethslibegrftheweer, Pacman or the other (literally) hundreds of players in these cases (that bear some of the most horrific details you’ll ever read) are actually allowed to step foot back on a field and be celebrated. America collectively has terrible self-esteem.

Right here in San Diego we had Shawne Merriman, a guy who is 6’5” 260 lbs beat and choke a girl who barely stands 5’1” and weighs something like 8 lbs. Although, that girl was Tila Tequila, it did not seem plausible that he would be cleared to play the next weekend, yet he was. Or take the case of Vincent Jackson and his three DUI’s, the last one coming before the playoffs in 2009. Chargers fans weren’t upset at Jackson, who obviously has alcohol problems and could have killed people with his vehicle, they were upset at the San Diego Police Department who came out and said he couldn’t play in the upcoming playoff game. The NFL stepped in and Jackson was cleared. GO BOLTS! We lost.

The National Football League is breeding a talent pool of morons with a boatload of cash and months of free time; which sets an amazing example for college athletes and the public is starting to see that example come to fruition. Do what you want, hurt whatever or whoever you want and we will clear you of any wrongdoing – but please try not to do it again. HOORAY! And honestly how could this not happen? From a young age most of these guys are given a golden ticket through life. They’re never taught proper social skills because as long as they knew how to run the play action no coach thought anything else was necessary. As sports fans we just want our teams to do well and we unknowingly but willfully contribute to the problem. We root for the criminals, buy their jersey’s, dismiss them when they’re washed up and release them into the world at forty years of age and in most cases with just a dash of brain damage.

And this brings us to problem number two. These heinous acts happen all over our country multiple times a year and no one seems to actually care. Well that’s not entirely true, I’m sure the victim and their families do, but who gives a rat’s ass about them? They’re just average people who can’t play Strong Safety. Imagine, JUST IMAGINE, if you were a victim and every Sunday you can watch the person who did this terrible thing to you on TV being cheered by millions while also making millions. How is any of that ok? It’s not.

Of course I believe in redemption and I believe in turning your life around. I truly think a person can feel pure regret for an action and take the appropriate steps to never repeat that mistake. But, just because Big Ben Roesthslicheberg apologized for sexually abusing a woman in a bathroom while his friends stood guard and afterwards was able to throw a touchdown doesn’t mean he took those appropriate steps. He’s not redeemed or vindicated because you drafted him in fantasy football. He’s still a tool. In the case of Michael Vick he surprisingly went to jail, but only because his crimes were something you’d read about in Saw VIII: Air Bud Deflated. He served (reduced) time and is now once again a superstar. In jail he could have changed, he could have done everything right and he quite possibly did, but that brings us back to the problem: After a public apology, communally we stop being concerned with it. Somehow his on the field achievements mask his past dog executions.

Why do we believe that?

If I was to go to jail for knocking my girlfriend out and after being released wrote an article you thought was amazing, would you forgive my past sins because you liked my writing? I don’t think so. We as a society hold our sports stars in higher regard than we do ourselves. No one cheers for Casey Anthony when she walks down the street, but we rush the gates for a glimpse of O.J. Simpson. I know it’s a lot to ask. How do we change our celebrity conscience to reflect the greater morality of our pedestrian one? Who knows? Maybe actually getting to the end of this essay is your first step. I’m just a sports fan who still believes that Michael Vick is an asshole – no matter how many times he scrambles for thirty yards.

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Kyle Blanks: Big Tree Fall Hard.

Posted on September 1, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

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The Curse of Ludwick

Posted on August 30, 2011 by dallasmclaughlin

Back on July 31st, 2010 the Padres were riding high. We had just come back from the All-Star break and were sitting in first place by a game and a half. The Giants were hot on our tails and the jury was still split on how many moves the Padres should make to bolster this overachieving squad. We had already made the Miguel Tejada deal and the majority of fans were a bit under whelmed to say the least. Who wanted an aging star that had all but been banished from the public eye? The organization decided to make one more high-profile deal in hopes of exciting fans and making the final push. So in a three-team deal the Padres ended up giving away very little in exchange for a stud Cardinals corner outfielder named Ryan Ludwick.

The consensus around town was that we now had a legitimate threat to hit either in front of or behind A-Gonz. People were jacked, we were drinking the kool-aid, and the playoffs seemed a lock! I don’t think anyone had any idea the deal would end up going down the path it did. The exact opposite of most predictions actually came true: Tejada became the most exciting player the Padres had fielded since Eckstein and Ludwick faded into the dark abyss that is mediocrity. The Padres went on a historic losing streak ultimately finishing two games out of first place and a missed shot at the postseason. Upon joining the Padres on July 31st Ludwick was hitting .281 with 11 homeruns and 43 RBI’s. By the end of the season he ended up hitting .211 with 6 homeruns and 26 RBI’s for the Friars. What happened?

In the off-season several of my friends and fellow TKF contributors wondered what his fate would be? Why not trade him and get some young arms or a speedy guy with good defense? He still had value, because even though his 2nd half stats were terrible we could blame that on the fact he switched to a pitchers park with a lackluster offense and no real time to relax. That was what we could have said, but we all kind of knew the truth – outside of St. Louis and the cradle of Pujols, Ludwick wasn’t very good.

At the beginning of the 2011 season the Padres made several moves to help drive attendance and follow the winning model of the previous years champions, the Giants, who were actually copying the winning model of the Padres that same season. One of those decisions kept Ryan Ludwick in town in hopes he would vindicate himself, at least enough to be tradable if the team stunk and he didn’t. To Ludwick’s credit he did seem amped on staying with the team and proving to everyone he could be the guy we thought he was. And then none of that happened. His season started rougher that 2010 ended. He struck out with runners on and off. Was abysmal in clutch situations and looked more depressed after an at bat than that goth girl from high school during lunch. The Padres were quickly in last place, the swagger was gone and Ludwick was considered the best guy on a crap team. Well, just cause she’s the hottest girl in the bar, it don’t mean she’s hot. With the Pirates surging for the first time in years and looking for some offense they came and got Ludwick. Why? I have no clue. He was hitting .238 with 11 homeruns and a surprising 64 RBI’s after 101 games. But again, all those shitty numbers could be blamed on Petco and the Padres and blah blah blah. So the Pirates pulled the trigger and welcomed Ludwick and this years Tejada (Derek Lee) to the squad.

At the time of the trade July 31st, 2011 the Pirates had been in first place a few times that season and were now in third only four and a half out of first. This shit could happen! The Padres on the other hand were terrible. In last place and fourteen and a half out of it.

But then, my theory was confirmed – Ryan Ludwick was in fact a curse and only Albert Pujols held the potion to subside that curse for a time. Post-2011 Ludwick trade The Pirates have dropped to 4th place, nine games under .500 and 18 eighteen games out of first*. The Padres on the other hand have gone 13-12, stayed in last but moved up to fifteen games out of first. Sure, that doesn’t sound like much, but from almost 20 games below .500 to 10 games under – I’ll take it*! And I don’t have to look at Snuffaluffagus hang his head every time he grounds into a double play. Ludwick hasn’t been as terrible with the Pirates, but in a hitter-friendly park and a high-octane offense he should have more than a homerun and 7 RBI in 21 games. Wha’ happened?

Well, it may not be a curse, but it certainly was a gift from the baseball God’s that has been taken away and that gift was Albert Pujols. Don’t believe me? Remember when Larry Walker or Mark Grudzelaniblupooik or Reggie Sanders had amazing career resurgences for the one year they batted near Pujols? Even take this year with Lance Berkman rising from the dead to hit thirty dingers! Do you think that happens on a lineup with only Edgar Renteria and Yadier Molina? Nope. Ludwick played for five seasons before joining the Cardinals in 2007 and never hit over .247 or more than seven homeruns before that point. His first season batting in the Pujols lineup: 14 homeruns and a .267 average over 120 games. In his second season there he smacked 37 homeruns with a .299 average! Colby Rasmus has enjoyed this same gift and Toronto is hoping it’s just my stupid theory.

A man on a mission to go back to St. Louis.

Problem is, it’s not a theory because actual numbers don’t lie. Just like the Padres of 2010, the whole team was made better by having a guy like A-Gonz hitting in the lineup. Scott Hairston and Kevin Kouuuuuz got sweet deals from his presence, which they couldn’t prove in other parks and begged for a return to Petco. I guess the curse isn’t really Ludwick; it’s Pujols who placed a curse on Ludwick. He’s now forced to roam the ball fields searching for a cure and never finding it. His current stop is Pittsburgh and who knows where it will be next season. My guess: Colorado or Houston. Two teams looking for an edge and believing they can find it with the guy who hit 37 homeruns in 2008, while deep in the shadows and caverns of the NL Central Albert Pujols sits, grinning and wielding his Talisman Slugger shaking it over the bats of mid-level outfielders just excited to be wearing the cardinal red and gray.

 

*Stats at the time of draft.

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